Let’s face it- adulting can be HARD…and I’m not talking, stubbed my toe hard- I’m talking I don’t want to get out of bed hard, deep pain in my chest hard. As we age, we hopefully mature and hopefully learn from our mistakes, sometimes it takes more than one attempt to get it right, but we get there eventually…right? RIGHT?!?! On this week’s blog, as we approach Valentine’s Day, we thought we’d like to explore the things we wish we knew or learnt sooner about ourselves.
1: I Need A Dollar– Well more than just one, why does no one warn you JUST how expensive it is to be an adult?!?!? It’s like the only certainties are student loans, taxes, bills and the guarantee of an anemic bank account. I wish I could be as carefree about spending money and not saving as I was a decade ago, better yet, when I thought getting $5 meant I was rich and could buy tons of $0.05 and $0.10 candy. Now, I pay bills and cry on the inside, while trying to figure out if making my cat an Instagram account will earn me extra money.
2: Battlefield– The tricky dance of knowing when to speak your truth or keeping mum is a very delicate balance. Depending on your temperament, it may be an art which takes longer to master and sometimes it needs to be forgotten. We all know that ONE individual who for whatever reason, just gets on our last nerve; if I had a penny for every time I bit my tongue- I would legit be a millionaire. We’ve all go that one aunt or uncle who seems to forget their filter at home, leaving numerous awcks dinner conversations. Personally (R1) I have been known to be more overtly outspoken and sometimes that can make me look mean, or even argumentative, but I do not like to sit back and witness people speak untruths or practice ignorance, so I say something- come what may. Often times, we don’t speak up when it counts, when we witness inequalities or when we are standing up for ourselves. How quick are we to defend our self worth, how quickly are we able to flip it back when discussing the value we place on ourselves. At school, in the workplace, do we sit at the table and demand access? May be, putting our foot down sooner sets the precedent much faster than taking the scenic route and you take no prisoners. #bonus
2: Know It All– Looking back, I always thought that by the time I was “in my 30’s”- it would all be figured out. No idea what the IT was, but I would have THE job, THE car, THE partner, THE kids and I would be confident of my place within society. From a young age, we are pitted with the task of knowing who we want to be and what we want to do with our lives, far before we’ve even actually LIVED. For me, the BIG 3-0 was this seminal moment, I fully believed that once the clock struck midnight- I would have an A-ha moment and all of life’s revelations would come to me. Well that moment never came, because life doesn’t always happen or play out the way we planned- but that isn’t a reason to be down. What I wish I knew was that every one is striving towards their own dreams, for some it comes sooner and for others much later. But we can’t expect or assume to know it all by a certain time or that because you’ve reached a certain age- that it all ends for you. I’m sure we have all seen the quote to the left; we can often be our own worst critics, trust me- I have possibly thousands of photographs which I can’t bring myself to post because I critique them to the most minute details. I worry so much about posting things that people won’t like, that I forget the reason(s) I took the shot in the first place…for myself. That being said, I, R1 am a 33 year old, mother of one, partnered for nearly 13 years, I almost own my car, I do not own a house, I somewhat completed university (long story); but I am happy in who I have become. Travelling and living in a completely different country has taught me lessons about myself that I may never be able to vocalise. So white picket fence lacking, I do not know it all at 33, nowhere near, but I strive to continue to try to get to know myself better on an account to show my daughter that the best part of being alive is living, adapting and loving yourself.
3: You.Are.Enough– Who do you want to be? What do you want to do? It’s difficult to say, think and grasp the concept that just being YOU should be enough. It isn’t always that simple for the majority of us, I know that I can honestly say that it isn’t always enough for me. But then I remember, if it weren’t enough the people who mean the most to me in my life, and have stuck around to this very day, wouldn’t still be here if being me wasn’t enough. “I am who I am, because of the people around me”. That may be hard for us to consider, but it’s the truth. It may not always be a good thing, but nothing in life is 100% good. It wouldn’t be life if it was, am I right?! Life will forever be a learning process, and we have to remind ourselves of that. We can get through whatever challenge is set before us, because if we couldn’t I’m QUITE sure that we wouldn’t be around to tell the tales of the crazy exes, the toxic friends etc. We have plenty of stories in life to share, and that is exactly what they should be; stories of our accomplishments.
4: Love Yo Self- We hear and see it a lot, self-loveand the whole shebang, but I don’t think we really understand just HOW important it is to care for yourself first. When we’re younger, we spend a lot of time on ourselves, getting dressed up, made up, we spend a lot of our time with friends and socialise, as we get into relationships and start families of our own- we sometimes end up giving up some of the things which made us happy. It has taken me some time and through numerous difficulties; I have realised the importance of taking the time, no matter HOW small to do things which allows you to reset. For me, when I became a mom, I felt like I gave everything I had to ensure my daughter was developing and thriving. For a while I sort of forgot who I was. It took till she was about 2 years old, before I felt like I had come back to myself. One thing I will always remember my mother telling me is, “if you’re not well and happy in yourself- what example are you setting for her? What are you teaching her?”. One thing I know for sure, is that I do not want her to lose herself in others, I want her to know that her value and her self-worth can be found by looking inward- she always has it and I just hope it doesn’t take her as long to figure it out.
5: Take A Breath: Have you ever felt as if life was coming at you so fast, that you didn’t know what to take first?! OH MY GOODNESS, that seems to be me every few weeks. Life just has a way of testing you sometimes (or all the time lol).
6: IDK- One of the most reassuring things in our social climate, are the numerous people who are open and honest about not having it all together. Often the most popular social media accounts are the ones of blogger moms with the perfectly clean house, super fashionably well dressed children and makeup and hair on point. We all project an image of ourselves we’d like the world to see, but know that it’s ok to NOT know the answer or to take days to legit be the messy version of yourself. Life is messy, no one has a camera with them 24/7 (ok…maybe the Kardashians do), and you are your true self when no one is looking, most likely when you’re 18 hours into a Netflix marathon and haven’t showered because you don’t have work. But you know, minor details ;). What we mean to say is don’t rush the process and be comfortable not knowing the answer all the time.
So just be you! Its the best you that you can be! #mindblown