I feel like I keep losing parts of myself, Like I need to keep doing something “dramatic” to feel like myself again.
To feel alive.
I feel like I am walking around playing a role
Being the “Rekeisha” they want me to be, I can’t relax,
I can’t laugh too hard
Or be to expressive,
That’s not who they want to see.
I need to smile.
Be less outspoken.
Be less opinionated.
Stand still and look a novelty.
Yet, every once in a while she snaps back,
She chisels away for some fresh air
And I’m reckless again.
I burst out laughing.
I break the rules.
But it only numbs the pain shortly…then the sadness returns.
May 2018- R1