I paint myself as the villain,
It allows me to be distant and damaged,
The one who gets to make the grand, dramatic exits
As I gulp down my feelings of vulnerability and hurt
I paint myself as the villain,
Because that way people won’t take the time to see the complexity of how I am feeling.
All the while, keeping my feelings so deeply buried, I won’t even know them anymore
I paint myself as the villain,
Thus continuing the cycle of feeling sorry for myself and taking it out on you,
It’s the perfect strategy so I don’t have to truly open up to anyone
I paint myself as the villain,
Because it is the role I know so very well, emotional, impulsive and passionate
Its the feelings of upset and anger, becoming so comfortable, I don’t know any other way
I paint myself as the villain,
So, any attempt at kindness towards me can be deemed as suspicious and mistrusted
Despite that, I am fully aware that this is a temporary shelter,
One that is slowly crumbling, as I can no longer sustain being the villain
November 2018- R1
