I paint myself as the villain,

It allows me to be distant and damaged,

The one who gets to make the grand, dramatic exits

As I gulp down my feelings of vulnerability and hurt

I paint myself as the villain,

Because that way people won’t take the time to see the complexity of how I am feeling.

All the while, keeping my feelings so deeply buried, I won’t even know them anymore

I paint myself as the villain,

Thus continuing the cycle of feeling sorry for myself and taking it out on you,

It’s the perfect strategy so I don’t have to truly open up to anyone

I paint myself as the villain,

Because it is the role I know so very well, emotional, impulsive and passionate

Its the feelings of upset and anger, becoming so comfortable, I don’t know any other way

I paint myself as the villain,

So, any attempt at kindness towards me can be deemed as suspicious and mistrusted

Despite that, I am fully aware that this is a temporary shelter,

One that is slowly crumbling, as I can no longer sustain being the villain

November 2018- R1