I realise that as soon as things begin to go well, my MO is to find a way to pump the brakes,

I choose to sabotage and escape, instead of running towards my feelings,

No matter how deeply I feel, the fear takes over and I leave,

Afraid of exposing my true feelings,

Scared to show my vulnerability and weaknesses,

Worried you will think of me differently,

A new way of thinking has forced me to live and sit within those feelings,

Accept them for what they are, but feel them just the same,

Being exposed can be scary, but it can also lead to connection,

So, instead of sabotaging, I am opening up to all the possibilities…

April 2020- R1

Illustration: by Nadja