I am sat up in bed shedding tears you’ll never see,
Because you happen to be 27 miles away from me,
Crying tears,
Because in a moment where I should have chosen vulnerability,
I chose fear,
I bottled it, because I don’t want you to worry,
Mostly, because I don’t know why I feel this way,
Not sure why streams of salted water keep leaving my eyes,
Conscious of how very blessed I am,
That I have nothing to be crying over,
Yet, here I am, crying still…
Feeling in control and out of control all at the same time,
I want to be in your arms,
I want to be enveloped in the comfort of your chest,
Yet, I don’t want to seem needy or clingy,
Most of all, I want to not continue to feel so alone,
I needed a little extra love today,
Some gentleness,
But through no fault of your own, I didn’t receive what I needed,
I needed to be gentle with myself,
Give myself the grace I give so freely to you,
I simply needed to feel it all…
April 2021- R1