Embracing Lonely

I came across an article about loneliness and it really struck me. If the pandemic has shown us anything, it’s the fact that humans need connection, but it also got me thinking about how often we fill voids and how effective we have become at being busy so as not to sit in the discomfort of being alone, in our own company. This week on the blog, I share my thoughts on loneliness, read along and let us know if we’re not alone.

You will realize that a little loneliness goes a LONG way in creating a richer, deeper, more vibrant and colour YOU.

Mandy Hale

It hit me the other day that I have never been single for a long period of time, I have not sat in the feelings of loss and really mourned my previous relationships or even mourned the loss in general. I’ve always prided myself for my ability to pull my socks up, pick up my heart and pride and move swiftly along. Not to say that I wasn’t hurting or that I wasn’t feeling broken up about things, but because I was firmly in the driver’s seat, I was able to compartmentalize and be low key pety. Now, at 36 ( I had to do a quick calculation to check ), I am sitting alone in my apartment, accepting the fact that I am single. Not by my own choice and maybe that’s what stings the most. Previously, I was always the one to do the breaking, I never looked back at the damage- I never wanted to. Now I sit here, damaged, myself and looking back at the roads that lead me here. Is there something I could have done? Should I have stayed longer, was I the toxic one? All of this, of course is brought on because when you’re alone, you essentially only think about these things, about past choices and decisions..but I’m not exactly mad at it. I feel like I need to take the space, the deep breath.

Sometimes you think that all you want to do is disappear, when all you really want is be found.

I’ve never really been the type of person to “date myself”, go on activities alone- maybe because that felt weird to me, but the idea of enjoying your own company is very important. Just being alone, in your thoughts can be cathartic, but also it gives you the time and space to really get to know yourself. But to be fair, I don’t really like the silence of being with myself. Maybe it’s from the years of always being or having someone, but it’s not something I want to get used to- like at all. That being said, I am looking for a lasting connection with someone, I do not have the patience or the mental space for time wasters or for people who aren’t true to their word. I’m not about that life and to be fair, I don’t want that in my life- I think I’ve entertained it long enough. My only hang up is the fact that I have become increasingly disinterested in most humans and don’t have the wherewithal to begin anew-๐Ÿคฃ. Genius! All that to say, being alone isn’t 100% all bad, being with yourself isn’t awful as long as you don’t get too sucked into your own world, you aren’t open to new experiences, but I also think it’s important to know yourself and be open and fully honest about your feelings, because as I’ve found- it comes in waves.