Scenarios

I do this thing,
Where I envision all of the negative things you could be thinking of me
An ignored text or a missed call,
A shared day off not spent together,
All of it makes me spiral into a flurry of mixed feelings,
Maybe you’ve changed how you feel about me,
Maybe I said the wrong thing
Maybe I’m too clingy or I want too much,
I don’t know if I have ever been this attached to someone
Or let that someone take my walls down,
And it leaves me vulnerable, feverishly looking for cracks in my armour,
Or maybe cracks in your loving words,
Finding secret meaning where there aren’t any,
Missing you and feeling like I shouldn’t,
Maybe I should be stronger,
Maybe I should enjoy my own company more,
Maybe I shouldn’t be so reliant on someone to change my mood so easily,
All these scenarios float around in the melting pot of my hormones,
And I don’t like the taste,
I reprimand myself for feeling them, but it doesn’t make the feelings any less true,
Nov 2021- R1