Tears

I’ve cried 4 times today,
Not for any particular reason
And for all of the reasons,
I wish I knew how to turn off the tap of my emotions,
They sometimes don’t make any sense to me,
The rational part of my mind tells me,
My feelings are valid, to let them all out,
The other side, tells me to get a grip,
I should have my shit together,
Everyone around me does,
Feeling like I am constantly climbing a hill,
But I never seem to reach the summit,
Stumbling along obstacle, after obstacle.
Drowning in the the vague idea of who I thought I was,
Sitting down to do a test,
I know none of the answers to,
All the while shedding constant streams of tears,
How can one’s life be so put together,
Yet so fragile?
Taking a deep guttural breath,
Wiping my face and stepping forward,
With tears not too far behind…
Nov 2021- R1