Love is in the air. We’re being bombarded with red and pink EVERYTHING. Chocolate overload, over priced roses for the consumeristic win! 💪🏾 But after all that buzz, what do you do as you sit on your couch and the buzz has passed you by? Well, in my case you get nostalgic and choose gratitude. This week on the blog, I’m continuing the internal work and thinking about what love has taught me. Have a love filled read. 💕
I’m not sorry for wanting what I desire and I’m hot afraid to walk away to find it.r.h Sin
Sitting here on Valentine’s Day as a single woman, society makes us feel like I should be feeling down or sad for not being “attached” to another human. But I can’t help but sit here and feel different levels of gratitude. Some might say I could be in denial, but the fact of the matter is I am really not. I am very much grateful for the loves and losses I have experienced. One of the obvious ones is to say that they have helped shaped me into who I am now, but I’m not going to go down that route. I have gotten to know me, probably through the losses- but I have been able to learn that I am capable- but mostly that I can be loved. Sometimes when we know our flaws and red flags 🚩, we might feel as if no one will love us for them. And even though I know that I often times didn’t make it easy to connect emotionally with- I have always opted to doing the pushing away rather than be pushed away. I just wasn’t emotionally there. I had a moment in my life where I genuinely thought maybe I was the problem and maybe I was just meant to be a “love ‘em and leave em” type of person. One of my highest fears was to be like my father and maybe that messed with me for a few years. But, love has taught me that I am capable of love.
Love has taught me that I am resilient. Being knocked down can make you want to avoid the feeling or might not make you open yourself up to the possibility of heartbreak again. But at the youth “cough” age of 37, what it has taught me is the fact that I know I can and I will get back up. It’s not in my nature to choose defeat, my overthinking mind might want to think about it over and over again, but it’s not fear based. It’s from the need to want to do it right and hopefully do it for the very last time. That’s the goal isn’t it? To find that person to ride life out with, who will accept me for who I am, who supports me wholeheartedly and is always fighting in my corner. The optimist in me can’t help but think they are definitely out there, they’re just a Nicholas Sparks romance scene away.
A woman who knows what she brings to the table, isn’t afraid to eat alone.
I think the last and to me the most important lesson love has taught me that I am deserving of love. I kind of touched on this in the 1st paragraph, but knowing what you deserve and sticking to your boundaries is important. Being alone can make you accept scraps and sometimes the fear of being alone overtakes your rational mind. And even though I can tell you that following your heart is never a bad thing, you also deserve to be loved fully. And I genuinely mean FULLY. If someone is not able to give you the love you feel you need, walk away. I previously posted that one of the things in 2022 I wouldn’t be doing was chasing someone and I feel like I have stuck to that. I will not be dedicating the majority of my time on someone who isn’t willing to show me that I hold a place in their life. Knowing what I deserve is just that, I know that I am a very good/supportive/loving and loyal partner, but I cannot be spending that on just anyone. Simply put- you have to earn my time and I’m not sorry about that.