Self Doubt, You’re A MF

Self Doubt, You’re A MF

It’s one thing to post and preach positivity and confidence, but it’s another thing entirely to really LIVE it. Daily. When it’s a rainy day. When things seem to be falling apart. This week I’m sharing about self doubt and how it’s got me all up in my head. Have a read.

When everything seems to be going against you, remember that an airplane takes off against the wind, not with it.

Let me be frank. Imposter syndrome is something real. So crippling it’s startling. I have always maintained very even keeled when it comes to the way I feel about myself. Humble but proud of my achievements. But lately I have been feeling extremely overwhelmed with a prospect in my future, so overwhelmed in fact- I might be damaging my own chances. Can you imagine? Working towards something for the past few years and finally being in a position where I can almost taste and touch it. And what do I do?….I’m choking. And I wish I could say that I was over reacting and being hard on myself, but the fact of the matter is I’m dropping the ball, I’m watching myself do it and I somehow don’t know how to stop it from falling. I have an opportunity, one that I have wanted and have worked for for years, why can’t I jump at it? And the truth of the matter is, I don’t feel like I am worth it, I don’t feel like I deserve the seat. Maybe like it’s all a huge mistake and someone will realize soon enough.

The greatest obstacle to your success is self-doubt.

Since choosing to become single, it seems like despite it being one of the toughest but best decisions, it has also heightened my feelings of self-doubt and worry. Knowing I don’t have anything or anyone to fall back on, has put an immense amount of pressure on me. In some ways I just went through the motions, but now at a fork in the road I’m suddenly faced with the option to reach out and touch my target. To make matters worst, it’s not like I don’t have support, it’s not like my bosses are negative or hard to work with- I have been given enthusiastic feedback and evaluations, yet I have a crippling fear. What if I am not good enough? What if this isn’t the job I thought I wanted? Maybe it’s better to not have the job rather than get it and fail. Therefore, I am inadvertently ruining it before I even get anywhere near my target. This is how my convoluted mind works. Trust me when I say I don’t want it to be this way, but like a car crash, I can’t seem to be able to steer away from the feeling like I will crash.

Try as I might, I wish I could flip this blog post and say that I had a quick 5 steps on how I’ve improved my self-doubt or I’ve kicked imposter syndrome to the curb, but the fact of the matter is that as I write this- I am very much figuring it all out as I go. What I will do though, is share the steps I feel ( at this moment ) I will take in order to accept the challenge presented to me.

1- Focus on the room, the now. What is happening in front of me? See it, speak on it.
2- Don’t take things to heart or so personally.
3- Speak up. Talk. Share your ideas. You have them, let them be known. Even if you’re scared.
4- You have what it takes. Show them.

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